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"You couldn't be more of a tease if you were naked," a quiet whisper sounded across the dark street. Light's eyes widened in shock and he turned frantically, trying to locate the speaker.
As his eyes fell upon Beyond Birthday a few feet away from him, a smirk stretched his lips. "And all this time I thought you were at least above stalking."
Beyond cackled lightly, sauntering forward and continuing to walk with Light toward the Yagami household.
"Things get boring when you go to college and leave me all alone, you know."
"Well, I need to study so I can become a policeman like my father."
"Like you could ever make it, being Kira and all," Beyond laughed, slapping his thigh in humor.
"Why don't you do a mexican hat dance on top of my hopes and dreams, asshole?" Light grumbled, but allowed Beyond to grasp his hand.
In the past few weeks, they'd managed to convince everyone that they were in fact a loving couple rather than two psychopaths hooking up for kicks. Although Light wasn't too sure about L, the detective still seemed suspicious and watched their every move.
Although Beyond kept insisting L was just a peeper.
"You know we should fuck more often," Beyond mused out of nowhere, his thumb on his lower lip in thought. Light did a double take and almost stumbled over his own two feet in shock.
"You always this crude?!"
"Pretty much."
"You know I used to think I took the prize for obnoxiousness, but what do you know, I bow to the champion."
"Thank you, you're too kind," Beyond stated humorlessly.
"Screw you," Light chuckled lightly, ignoring the fact that Beyond had stopped short in his tracks. After walking a few metres, he turned back around, seeing that B was standing there in the middle of the street, a dark expression etched into his features, promising pain.
Silently and fearfully Light took a few steps back as Beyond ever so slowly looked up at him, seemingly ready for the kill. Light started a fullout sprint towards his home, praying for divine intervention for the impending doom.
Of course, he knew Beyond wasn't gonna hurt him. Badly. But he still tried to avoid that boxcutter of his as much as he could.
Gasping, he reached his front door only to realize in horror that he'd forgotten his key.
Pressing the doorbell frantically, he glanced back over his shoulder to see Beyond sauntering towards him, an insane grin on his face.
"What on this green fucking earth do you think you're doing?"
"Don't pretend to be all badass with me, Beyond," Light chuckled, turning around to face his lover when he arrived next to him.
The grin promptly vanishing from his face, the criminal leaned down to press his lips against Light's. The brunette struggled but in the end gave up, instead leaning into the other's lanky frame.
Smiling creepily down at Light, Beyond pulled back when the college student tried to deepen the kiss.
Just then the door opened, revealing Sayu, Light's sister.
"You're home early today," she grinned up at the two expectantly, not moving away so as to let them inside.
Beyond realized what Sayu wanted only mere seconds before Light did, but still he was the one to initiate their second kiss that evening.
Cursing Light pushed him back. "That's not-"
"Honey, I think I've got the approval of the maid of honor," Beyond nodded towards Sayu and proceeded to guffaw upon Light's expression.
"Fuck you, B."

"Oh yeah, Pamela Anderson...Heidi Klum....Hugh Jackman..."
"How about knocking, goddamn you?!" Light sat up straight in bed, glaring at Beyond's grinning face.
"Door was open. Anyway, I heard you all the way downstairs," shrugging, the raven haired man left the room, leaving Light to stare after him in bewilderment.
Light groaned as he stepped out of bed.
Today Beyond and him would spend the entire day in the house, seeing as nobody was home and L had recommended that the 'lovely couple' get a day 'all to themselves'.
"Beyond what are you doing down there?!" he called downstairs.
"Down there?!"
"You playing echo again?"
"Echo again?"
Sighing to himself in annoyance, Light threw on a pair of boxers and sauntered down the stairs. Upon nearing the kitchen he could hear a sing-song voice.
"Oh yeah, I'm baking some cocoa~," the singing stopped abruptly. "You out there Light? Come in then you can look outside."
"Morning," the brunette stepped into the kitchen and kissed the smiling face of Beyond, who had busied himself at the stove. What exactly he was doing there, Light had no idea.
"I made breakfast. Burnt your cornflakes, though," Beyond chuckled loudly, setting a bowl filled with something that looked like it'd been eaten several times already in front of him at the table.
"Oh yay. Ash cornflakes," Light deadpanned, pushing the bowl away. "What is that stuff?"
"Can I at least have some....sugar?" Light eyed, closing his nostrils between his index finger and thumb as he eyed the substance loosely described as breakfast.
Beyond's expression suddenly darkened as he leaned on the table in front of Light heavily. "Sugar's evil."
"You gotta be kidding me," Light knew that Beyond was only trying to torture him by making him eat this weird stuff without sugar. His fake- explanation should be fun, though. "Care to tell me why the hell sugar's evil?"
"Hitler liked sugar," the criminal deadpanned, turning back around towards the fridge. He fished out a jar of jam and sat down at the table with Light, closely watching him eat a mouthful of gruel.
"This is positively disgusting. What the hell did you put in there? Raisins?"
"No, flies," Light was unable to tell from Beyond's expression whether he was kidding or not.
"Either way, I hate raisins. They're disgusting."
Beyond laughed heartily, throwing his head back. "How can you hate raisins?!" he took a while to regain his composure before he added through a mouthful of strawberry jam, "I like them, anyway. They feel like nipples."
"You are a very crazy person," Light said sadly, getting up and dumping the remains of his breakfast in the sink. Well, he tried to, at least. Somehow the stuff seemed to be stuck to the bottom of his bowl.
Finally giving up, Light chucked the entire thing into the sink.
He was sick and tired of Beyond's violent side, but he came to realize and the past few weeks that this happily-insane-BB wasn't all that enjoyable, either. Sure, the first few days him cracking creepy  jokes had been funny, but by now Light was rather bored by it.
"Whoa, déjà-vu!" Beyond's smile seemed to freeze and his eyes turned comically wide. "Déjà-vus are errors in the matrix. They happen when they change someth-"
"Will you shut up? Seriously, that was the last time I watched a movie with you," Light complained, chucking a spoon at the back of Beyond's messy head  whilst the raven-haired man opened the fridge probably to get another jar of jam.
"I hate your fucking face," BB spat.
"Fine!" Light seethed, slapping Beyond's butt.
"What the fuck?!!"
Light merely grinned, happy to have gotten his revenge.
Beyond snarled, turning around, away from the fridge, so he was facing Light. "What do you want to do today, anyway?"
"No clue," Light mused, leaning against the kitchen counter. "You coming up with anything? Things have been pretty boring lately..."
"How about a little race to the bedroom? Loser gets a terrific consolation prize!"
"Bandaids....," Light mumbled under his breath, grinning.
"You up,  for it?"
"What does the winner get, though?"
"The thrill ride that is me," Beyond cackled, holding his stomach.
"What if you win?"
"There's no way I will let that happen," the criminal winked and positioned himself next to Light. "Alright we start when the neutral to unobtrusive signal sounds. Okay...5-11-3!"
Kicking the table over, who gave a loud bang, Beyond started up the stairs, closely followed by Light.
When he reached the door, the raven haired man stopped short, opening the door for the brunette. "After you, my pretty lady."
"I'm not your...pretty lady!" Light complained, walking into the room ahead of Beyond, only to find himself pushed down on the bed.
Thahaha oh dear god I'm TIRED.

Anyway :XD:
I tried to make this a little funnier than the other two parts. I don't like writing serious fiction, as you might have noticed if you read my earlier works ;) So...yeah.

I tried to twist Beyond's insanity so it was funny rather than creepy. I hope I succeeded with that ^^;
[Also, sorry about the slight OOC-ness of the two. I just really really wanted to add some fun to this.

[Part two: [link] ]

Part 4: [link]

Why yes, that's just what happens when I spend hours listening to Birthday Sex by Pretty Ricky :XD:

And, remember, kiddies, raisins feel like nipples.
Add a Comment:
Kari-Twilight-Mist Featured By Owner May 30, 2011
"Although Beyond kept insisting L was just a peeper." I believe it. I thought you did crazy funny well. :3
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha well, considering he always insisted Light go on a date with Misa I figured he was sort of perverted ;)

Thank you very much (:
luvzanime1 Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Student General Artist
(I was just listening to Bday sex five minutes ago! *shot*)

I adore this, please marry me xD
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
FF when and where? XD :iconhaybabyplz:
luvzanime1 Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Student General Artist
right here, right now~
Lawllipop-Bag Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Student Writer
B cooks cornflakes... why am I not surprised. :XD:
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha not to forget he bakes cocoa :XD:
Lawllipop-Bag Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Student Writer
...please tell me they have a smoke alarm?
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm clinging to that hope too, believe me.
Lawllipop-Bag Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2011  Student Writer
Not that B wouldn't enjoy burning Light's house down, just to piss him off.
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
While Light would sit on the ground praying for divine intervention :XD:
MizCactus Featured By Owner May 29, 2011
Dear goodness.
HOW THE HECK WHY THE HECK would you ever try to cook cornflakes I don't even.
... Isn't there sugar in jam? XD
And yet I love it so.
(Plus I always thought that about raisins too).
(... I like raisons.)
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[I did once. They were all floppy and old, so I threw them in a pan. But they ended up burning to ashes xD So that's where that came from}

Yes, yes there is D: Oh dear....

Thank you for your comment :XD:
MizCactus Featured By Owner May 29, 2011
No wait; not all jams. I was wrong; some are just boiled fruits and the "natural sugar" is considered enough... (sorry I worried you for no reason!)
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, you're right! :D

Phew, I'm relieved :XD:
Wouldn't want no nazi-jam :XD:
I... I will never think of raisins in the same way again... o.O
Great story though! :D *favorites*
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha XD!!
Thank you very much (:
Lord-Azeran Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
.............B's insanity pleases me :XD:
Chii-Kawaii-Chan Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha I'm glad <3 :XD:
Add a Comment:

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